7 years later I am having more pain in my knees than ever. So yesterday I go to see one of the best surgeons in NYC. We schedule a MRI and x-rays on both knees. During the MRI you have to remain completely still for about 30 minutes. THIS is so hard for me as my knee locks up if left in one position longer than 3-5 minutes. So there I am, stuck in this noisy machine in massive pain trying to not move and focus my energy elsewhere. I focus so hard that I fall asleep. Bad idea. I ended up jumping so the images were blurry. Have to do it all over again and stay awake this time. UGH.
After the x-rays I make my way down to see the doctor. I am left waiting for a while as they review my MRIs. I am convinced that they will find something so wrong with my knees that I will need surgery for sure. After all, that is what the great doctors of
Waiting and waiting and waiting….
Finally the Doc comes in. He asks tons of questions and then makes me walk, which I can do just fine. Then he bends my knees in positions that you only do if you are a contortionist. Ouch!! He hears all the popping going on in there and then it’s on to look at my results.
X-rays show that there is nothing wrong with my bones and alignment. Great news seeing how I fall constantly and just recently flew over the handlebars of my kick scooter last Monday.
MRI results. Dun dun dunnnnn. I’m waiting for the news, “Jamie, we will have to do a small procedure on you. You will be on crutches for a while and we will have to operate on both knees.” – is what I thought I would hear.
Instead it was, “Great news, everything seems to be in place. The popping is from Patella Femoral Syndrome. No surgery required, just Physical therapy.”
What?? Really? Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want surgery but I would rather surgery over physical therapy. Only because I hate working out.
Ahhhhh there it is. There is the key phrase “I hate working out”. We will come back to that later.
So he signs me up to go to a clinic that he tells me is “Dance Therapy”. Cool, so I will be dancing as my therapy? Sure, that’s it. Awesome. Ummm ya, I was wrong again. It just treats the dancers from Baryshnikov’s school. I will not be taking dance with them. Duh, Jamie. Good thing I posted that on my Facebook status before I actually looked into it.
So I get there to the clinic. There is a lady with a thick Russian accent screaming something at the front desk girl over paperwork. I assume she is a friend of Baryshnikov’s since she’s Russian. First impressions, pretty cool. All the therapist are young which is a plus. And there are several cute male ones. Which is a plus plus.
I am sent back to see mine. His name is John. He is blonde, built and thinks my jokes are funny. So far so good. He begins doing things to my knees that make me think he is just trying to break them so I have a real reason to be there. 30 minutes of him bending and pushing and lifting and rolling and he comes up with a conclusion.
Here is what he said, “8 years ago when you said you stopped dancing and basically stopped exercising everyday your ITB began to tighten up because you were not stretching. Over the 8 years it has gotten so tight that it is pulling your knee cap out of place which is causing the pain and popping. Your muscles around your knee are no longer strong enough to counteract this action. This usually occurs in women because of the hip line being wider. And this often occurred in ex dancers or athletes who stop being active. So we will need to work all this out and retrain your thigh muscles.”
Here is what I heard, “You have been so lazy for the past 8 years that you now have fat thighs and you need to get off your lazy butt and do something with yourself you wide lazy load. How do you expect those knees of yours to carry such heavy gorilla thighs?”
I have always hated my thighs but how come all of you never told me that I was getting fat. Thanks friends.
SO now I have to go in 2 times a week for 3 months to “retrain my muscles”. I knew this day would come.
Negatives – I’m fat, I still hate working out, it’s painful and all the cute PT's know I’m fat and lazy.
Positives – I will finally get my fat thighs in shape, my knees will stop hurting, I might get used to and enjoy working out and I will get to flirt with the cute fit physical therapists 2 times a week for 6 weeks.
Here is our Press House Team on the Red Carpet: Me, Dawn and Emma. Kiva was taking the picture. 
